Remembering The Dragomirs
by roza m belicova
Summary: Follow Lissa as she deals with her family's death anniversary while being queen. Can she do it or would the darkness and emotional instability take over?


A/n

Hey there lovely people! so here it is, the long awaited one shot my beta told you about, hope you enjoy! But before I let you all read, I have to send my love to my amazing beta! Mitrioselove your badass editing skills never siece to amaze me! Check out her stories guys, and while you're at it you should also check out back to the academy by elwic13! ok ok, I'm done...

I own nothing!

Remembering the Dragomirs.

Lissa groans something inaudible and pulls the pillow over her head as the chiming of a cell phone wakes her from a deep sleep. But, the chiming doesn't stop so she grabs it off the bedside table wanting nothing but to toss it across the room, but her eyes lands on the message displayed on the screen. It was a reminder, she gasps and her body tenses in response. Christian stirs beside her as he feels the tension. He kisses her neck nuzzling his face in her silky blond waves in an attempt to calm her but it only makes her shiver as her fingers begin to shake. Christian, seeing that something was definitely wrong, takes the phone from her shaking hands. The message displayed illuminated with a glow that looks slightly eerie tells him everything he needs to know. He pulls her closer trying to calm her and ease her shaking, but she pulls away her jade green eyes never leaving the phone's screen even after Christian flicks it off.

"Liss." He says. Concern etched in his words.

"No Christian…Don't." He knows she needs to deal with this on her own, so he pulls away but to his surprise, she moves with him burying her head in his chest as the tears begin to fall. He strokes her hair as his arms go around her protectively.

Memories assaults her mind, the choking smoke, the twisted metal of the car as it collided with the tree, and then nothing. The suffocating silence that threatened to pull her under, and then the scream, her scream that broke through the numb state of her mind. Her feet moved on their own accord as she got out of the car and over to Rose whose body was bloodied and broken. Her neck was twisted in an unusual angle, and there were several cuts and broken bones. Lissa was sure that there was some internal bleeding going on in there too, but she was blind to the fact that Rose was already dead, and so was her family.

"Rose! Come on, don't play stupid games! Come on wake up!" In Christian's arms, sobs racked her body making her shake violently with the force of them. He feels helpless but he knows that he can't help her. She needs to deal with this on her own, or maybe not. He would have to get her to calm down first though before he could put his plan in motion since leaving her alone was not an option.

Rose didn't stir or respond to her calls. There was no sound to be heard in the silent night, the air only seemed to thicken with every passing minute. Lissa brushed a lock of hair from her friend's face and gasped at the coldness and limpness of her body. She stared down at her noticing for the first time the scar marring her beautiful face, and then her eyes caught sight of the blood that was clotting instead of running. A sinking feeling in her gut made the tears fall faster as she stared down at her friend's lifeless and unmoving body. With gentle fingers, she strokes her cheek wishing that she could get rid of the scars ruining Rose's beauty.

"Oh Marie…" She sobs "I'm sorry…so sorry…" In what had to be slow motion and a miracle, Rose's eyes fluttered.

"Rose? Come on Rose, open your eyes!" Lissa leans over her the tears drying instantly at her best friend's slight movement. When her eyes were opened, everything vanished, there was no impending doom, they hadn't just gotten in an accident, there was just her and Rose. It didn't matter that she didn't know where the rest of her family was or if they were even alive.

"Lissa…What…Where are we?" Rose's eyes widen. "The accident! Where's everyone else?" Lissa finally noticed the absence of her family, but it was too late, the paramedics showed up and Lissa passed out only to wake up a few days later not remembering healing Rose and to find out that not only was her family dead, but she was the last of her line and the Dragomir princess. The memory left off there, and she looks up at Christian whose arms are still wrapped around her waist. She shoved the swirl of dark emotions and memories out of her mind as she stands. She's queen of the moroi, and she can't put her life on hold, not even for her family's death anniversary. With a tired sigh, she runs her fingers through her hair tangling it further and heads off to shower not looking up at Christian.

The saying time heals all wounds was just that a saying, a misunderstanding because it had been 4 years, and every year she would fall apart. The only difference was that this year was that she couldn't drink, as she was four months pregnant. As the steaming hot water pours down on her, she could feel hot tears streaming down her cheeks but she ignores it pretending that it was the hot water as it blends with it. When she's done, she dries off catching sight of her reflection in the mirror above the sink. A pale broken girl with eyes that look haunted and empty stares back. Both her and Rose had a new makeshift family now, but no one could replace her real family. Maybe that's selfish, but it's how she feels at the moment, hopeless and broken to the point of no return. She slips out of the bathroom and out onto the patio. She needs to get away, needs to stop thinking for a while. This was the only day of the year that she would drink all her sorrows away, sure it didn't make things any better or different, but it helped with shutting her mind up and for her that was great, it's what she needed right now. The memory picks up again. The moment she woke up and was met with Rose's bloodshot red rimmed eyes, she knew something was wrong. When Rose refused to meet her gaze her stomach dropped.

"Rose, what happened?Where are my parents? Where's Andre?"

"Liss, you need to rest, okay? It's okay Liss; everything is going to be okay." At these words, Lissa sits up in bed tangling her IV wires. Rose gently pushed her back down. At that moment, the door opened and in walked a nurse and Dr. Olenski.

"Princess," The nurse said with a bow. Lissa's eyes widened.

"Hello Lissa. How are you feeling?" Dr. Olenski says in an attempt to distract her.

"I'm fine, but why did she just call me princess? I'm not the Dragomir princess." Lissa remembers the somber look that came over Dr. Olenski's face as she told her that her family was dead and her and Rose were the only survivors. Her mind then flashes back to when she saw their bodies, bloodied and broken, unmoving and lifeless. The tears streams down her face as she grabs a hold of the glass panel to steady her shaking body.

"Lissa." Christian's arms are suddenly around her steadying her. She does not feel worthy enough to be in his arms, and though she has no idea why, it doesn't matter. She pulls away but almost falls in the process.

"Easy…" He murmurs in her ear still trying to calm her down. Unable to fight him anymore, she buries her head in his chest as sobs racks her body once again.

"I just miss them so much, you know? I don't know what to do!" She knows she's rambling, but she does not know how to make it stop. It hurts too much. Christian only pulls her closer. He knows the pain of losing family having to lose his parents when he was young, and though he doesn't remember much about them, except for his Mother's blue eyes that somehow didn't seem as ice blue as the other Ozeras, even though she was a full blooded Ozera and married her distant cousin. His father's rumbling laughter that always seemed to make everything better, he understands.

"It's going to be okay Liss; we'll get through it, together." He takes her left hand and kisses the finger baring his engagement ring. Lissa looks up at him and smiles through her tears. He just reminded her of why she loves him so much.

"I love you." She says simply as she tries to get her emotions together. Christian smiles.

"As I love you." He says. It is more than clear to him that she's not all better, but her smile, though be it a small smile, is enough to warm his heart and chase away the chill thinking of his family stirs within him. Lissa breaks the embrace and heads into the bedroom. She pulls on a dress that goes mid-thigh paring it with a pair of knee high boots. She lets her hair fall in it's natural waves, applying some concealer and lip gloss and walks out the door.

"Where are you going?" Christian's voice startles her making her turn to stare up at him. He meets her gaze as if to say I'm not backing down. She smiles slightly and holds his gaze.

"I'm the queen Chris, you know I can't just put my life on hold. There are piles of reports on my desk waiting for my attention." In all honesty, she's grateful for those reports knowing that they would be the perfect distraction for her dark mood and troubling thoughts. Christian nods but his eyes tell a different story. It was obvious that he didn't want to let her out of his sight, but this is Lissa. The girl is as stubborn as Rose when she wants to be. She walks over to him.

"I'm fine Chris." She says putting her hand on his chest. Christian fights the urge to wrap his arms around her so he could keep her with him, but too soon she pulls away and attempts to walk out the door.

"Liss, you could go a bit later, you know. No one would be mad if you do. You're only human." He says trying to deter her. But with a shake of her blond head and a wave of her manicured hand, she walks out closing the door.

Christian is on edge pacing back and forth in the living room when a knock sounds on the front door.

"What? It's open!" He calls not missing a step. His head is spinning, Lissa is shutting him out again and he does not want to deal with this again.

"What's going on in here, man?" Dimitri asks leaning casually on the doorframe crossing his ankles as he stares face blank, except for the slight concern flashing in his brown eyes at Christian.

"Where's Liss?" Rose asks walking in to stand next to Dimitri. Christian studies her face and from the looks of things, she too had been crying. Today is as rough for Rose as it is for Lissa. The Dragomirs were like her family too. Christian recalls her and Lissa talking about the many shopping trips and family outings they shared as children, and the many play dates that turned into sleepovers and camp outs.

"Don't you know where she is?" He asks frowning.

"What the hell Christian? Do you think I would've been asking you if I did?" Rose says fire flashing in her eyes. Dimitri takes her hand and lightly squeezes it.

"Easy Roza." Rose relaxes slightly but her eyes still shoots daggers at Christian. Rose places a hand on her belly and a small smile lights up her face. Lissa had given her a potion on her wedding night as a gift which would heal her infertility and she too was four months pregnant. Due to the many healing herbs and bursts of spirit that went into making the potion, the bond was re-established now working both ways.

"She's in her office." Christian says realizing that Rose really has no idea where Lissa is.

"She's been blocking me out all morning." Rose says with a sigh.

"I have to make sure she's okay." She continues already halfway to the door.

"But you're not on active duty love." Dimitri says locking his arms around her waist,

"Doesn't matter Dimitri, I need to know she's okay!" Dimitri nods and lets her go knowing that if anyone was to stop her now it would take a miracle. Christian sighs and mutters.

"Well I wish you good luck, Rose." Dimitri chuckles softly. Rose would stand outside Lissa's office all day if that's what it takes to know she's okay and she is prepared to do just that until Mikhail walks over and hands her a chair.

"If you're going to spy at least take care of those feet and that baby." He says smiling. Rose shoots him a grateful smile and sits down knowing that any attempts to get in the office now would be all in vain. Lissa doesn't want to talk to anyone that much is clear.

Lissa stares off at nothing in particular as she tries to focus on the piles of papers on her desk. She taps her pen impatiently but to no avail. She can't seem to make her mind stop. With a sigh, she gets off her chair and heads into the bathroom to splash some cool water on her face. She's about to leave when a flash of something silver catches her eye. She looks down staring at the small rectangular object. She picks it up and a slow grin makes it's way onto her face. A box of razors, the silver label instantly easing her fears and triggering a mixture of anticipation and guilt. She groans flipping the box back and forth in her hand. One of the razors suddenly falls out pricking her skin. She gasps at the sharp pain that soon turns into pleasure and blissful numbness. She needs more is the only thought that makes it's way through her mind as she glides the blade across her wrists making sure to steer clear of veins. As the blood trickles down her wrist, the tears make their way down her cheeks as the guilt of what she's just done seizes her.

Rose's breath suddenly catches as a sudden image flashes in her mind. Lissa taking a blade across her wrist. Rose groans and comes to her feet forgetting that she is pregnant and probably shouldn't be doing this. Using a series of furious kicks on the door, close to the lock, she rips it off the hinges charging in with full force. Lissa's blocks has long since crumbled thanks to the loss of blood and she follows the bond to the bathroom where Lissa sits her knees against her chest and arms wrapped around them as sobs racks her body and a steady trickle of blood makes it's way down her wrists.

"Liss." Rose whispers her arms instantly around her best friend's shaking body. Suddenly out of nowhere Dimitri and Christian charges in like an army from hell.

"Lissa!" Christian says voice stern. She flinches and buries her face in Rose's chest. Rose shoots Christian a death glare. She holds her for a while longer but then guardian instinct kicks in.

"Come on, Liss. Let's go get you patched up." Rose says helping her stand. Lissa's movements are sloppy and Rose would have been able to support her weight before her pregnancy, but now it's impossible. Christian walks over scooping her up into his arms as Lissa hides her face in his neck not once looking up at him. The guilt is too much. She's betrayed him, she's betrayed his trust. He makes no attempt at conversation along the way only making her feel worse. He's really mad at her. Rose looks at him in anger along the way but he pretends not to notice.

"Your majesty, it's important that you rest the blood loss is great and rest is important for you and your baby." The Doctor says looking at her. Lissa can't help but wonder what the doctor sees. A child who shouldn't be queen? Or a broken girl whose still dealing with the loss of her family? Nevertheless, she nods.

"Liss, you're not a child or a broken girl…you are a beautiful woman who deserves to be queen! And about dealing with the death of your family, you're only human." Rose says taking her hand. Tears well up in Lissa's eyes again and she bites her lips to prevent them from spilling over.

"I miss them too, you know. They were practically my family too, Liss…I just do a better job of keeping my emotions hidden thanks to my guardian training." Lissa looks up at Rose, shame clear in her eyes.

"I know, It's just so hard! I mean I know I can go to you, Christian or even Dimitri at anytime, but I didn't mean for this to happen…I left the house with every intention to work today…" Lissa says a fresh stream of tears rolls down her cheeks. Rose sighs and scans Lissa's mind for darkness, of course there's none. She really did plan to work today but her dark thoughts got the best of her. She pulls her into a hug trying not to join her in crying. She needs to be strong right now, for Lissa and the unborn baby growing inside her.

"It's going to be ok, Liss." Rose says stroking her hair as Lissa clings to her as if she needs her to survive, and in that moment when Rose scans her mind, she knows Lissa really does feel that way. Sometime later Lissa's sobs slow and her body stops shaking. She looks up trying to find Christian but he is not there. He's outside pacing, fuming anger bubbling inside him.

"He's outside." Rose says calmly. Lissa nods as the memory of his disapproving stare fills her mind. She knows she's let him down, but she didn't mean to and now he's pissed.

"Just give him some time Liss, he'll come around. You know he loves you and can't stay mad for long." Rose says calmly, but she's glad that her blocks are up and Liss is too emotionally unstable at the moment to notice that she was at the edge and she wanted to rip him a new one for treating her like that. Lissa nods and swings her legs off the bed and as Rose suspects, she does not notice anything. Lissa thanks Rose telling her that she needs some time and that she'll be okay. Rose nods letting her go knowing that there's no changing her mind. Rose walks out where Christian is pacing and Dimitri is watching warily. Christian doesn't even look up as Rose walks out but Dimitri does and he walks over wrapping his arms around her. Rose sighs and inhales the smell of him.

"Where's Lissa?" Dimitri asks her.

"She left saying that she needs some time." She tells him. Dimitri nods but Christian looks up at the exact moment Lissa walks out the doors and Dimitri crashes his lips down on Rose's. He clears his throat trying to get their attention. It works as they immediately break apart. Rose looks around trying to see who interrupted her kiss. Her eyes land on Christian and she instantly glares. Dimitri simply arches an eyebrow.

"Aren't you going to go after her?" He asks avoiding eye contact. Rose's temper flares.

"That's your job Christian! She's grieving, she's falling apart and you're standing here feeling sorry for yourself when you should be helping her!"

"I am not feeling sorry for myself Rose, how is anyone supposed to help her if she keeps shutting

people out?" Christian knows this is where it all stems from.

"I tried to help her this morning, and I thought it worked, but obviously it didn't because she had to pay a trip to the infirmary with her wrists cut." Rose sighs.

"You know what? you guys need to work this out because she didn't have any intentions of cutting when she left the house this morning. It just happened, and she was too emotionally messed up to stop it." Rose explains needing him to understand. Christian nods, but he's still mad. He told her to stay at home but no, she had to go off to the office.

"Where is she?" Christian asked, his voice regal.

"Not sure she's blocking me out, but if I had to guess I would say one of her favorite places. Maybe the gardens or the stables." Christian nods and walks out. He needs to calm down before going to her though so he goes in the opposite direction. Rose does not notice this as an idea suddenly forms in her mind.

"Dimitri, I think I know how to help Liss." He arches an eyebrow in question making her smile. It was always hot that he could do that. She tells him her plan to which he agrees and they go off to get ready.

Lissa walks out of one of court's many flower shops three bouquets in her hands as she heads over to the cemetery where the Dragomirs had their own burial plot. She walks with purpose over to the area where her family's headstones stand proudly side by side as if even in death they were still united. This thought makes her cringe but she shakes it off walking to the centre where her brother's headstone stands. Andre Dragomir, beloved son and brother born on March 23rd 1992, died on September 15th 2010. She reads quietly sinking to her knees as she places the bouquet of lilies in the vase near the stone. Lilies had always been his favorite a secret only the family and Rose knew of. Lissa remembers him walking through their garden staring admiringly at the many lilies her mother grew. She remembered asking him once why he liked them so much and him telling her that they were his favorites because he liked the colors and that they could grow in water. She also remembered that he had planted many lilies near the pond at the academy.

"I miss you so much." She whispers wiping at the tear making it's way down her cheek. "You're going to be an uncle, you know, if only you were here I know you would spoil this baby claiming that she's your niece and she would never have to ask for anything." More tears makes their way down her cheeks as she imagines Andre putting the baby on his shoulders making her giggle and scream for him to put her down but he would only tickle her on the belly before finally setting her down. She doesn't bother wiping them knowing that they would only fall more as she walks over to her mother's headstone placing the bouquet of pink carnations in the vase. The memory of her father bringing her bouquets of them flashes through her mind. He always brought her a single rose with every bouquet claiming that they were his favorite flowers. She sets the bouquet of roses in the vase near his headstone but before she does a thorn pricks her finger drawing a steady trickle of blood. She doesn't notice though as many memories of the good and bad times she had with her family flash through her mind like a movie that she can't stop. She can't help but wonder if they're proud of the woman she's become. Would they have wanted her to be queen? Could she even be queen if they were alive? Maybe not since Andre would have been the prince. None of that would matter though, because they would be here with her. God how she wish she could have saved them all. Her heart breaks at the thought and a fresh stream of tears pours down her face. She has no idea how long she's been sitting there in the middle of their headstones pulling overgrown weeds off them, but a sudden wind has her looking up and the rain suddenly begins to pour down making her drenched before she could even make a move to stand. With one final wistful look she stands and begins to leave but then she stops and places kisses on each headstone before walking back at a leisurely pace.

Christian is becoming frustrated as he has no idea where Lissa is. She's not at the stables or the gardens and he was all wet after standing under a tree waiting to see if she would show up. With a nasty curse he walks back wondering if Rose knows where she is.

Lissa stops at her private stable where the horses from the barn she used to a visit every summer now reside. Lissa had bought them because their former master was too old to take care of them. There were only two horses that survived the long journey but those two had always been Lissa's, Rose's and Andre's favorites. Her stallion Battle, a huge black beast standing at nearly 6 feet greets her at the door, rubbing his nose on her neck. He had earned his name because of his fiery spirit, protectiveness and loyalty.

"Hey boy." She says scratching the sweet spot on his nape. His mate Aurora a beautiful golden brown mare whines wanting to be patted as well. Lissa smiles slightly as she pets them both. As if Aurora could sense her mood she nuzzles her cheek trying to comfort her. Lissa strokes her flowing mane as some more tears falls down her cheeks. These horses are her babies. They are the only link aside from the many memories she has to her childhood with her family, and riding has always been something she does with Rose. Lissa thinks of going out for a ride now, but the day has simply flown by as the sun is already coming up signifying the end of the moroi day. The door suddenly opens startling her.

"I was just leaving." She says thinking it's the cleaning staff. She doesn't feel all that good either as her emotional trip down memory lane and the blood loss has left her feeling drained and in serious need of some red blood cells. She walks slowly out to the door and stares up into Christian's blue eyes. She flinches and the horses walk up beside her as if offering protection.

"You are not going anywhere, we need to talk and we are going to do it now." Christian says voice stern, almost to harsh to bare. Lissa could feel her self becoming annoyed at the tone.

"Don't you dare use that tone on me," She says warningly as she leans against a wall for support the horses mirroring her every move. Christian only glares, becoming mad at her lack of cooperation. He does not notice that she's paler than usual nor does he notice that the concealer she'd put on before leaving the house is no more, showing off just how much crying she did today. He notices that her cheeks are tear streaked though, but he ignores it.

"Lissa, just talk to me! How am I supposed to help you if you won't talk to me?" He growls his frustration getting the better of him.

"You know what Christian? You could go fuck yourself. Where were you when I needed you earlier huh? You carried me to the infirmary but didn't look at me once! And now you want to talk? Well too bad because I don't want to!" She yells, her voice a high pitch squeal. She's too far gone to notice how worried he is about her, so she leans off the wall about to storm out but the lack of blood is too much as a wave of dizziness hits her making her stumble. Christian is at her side in an instant taking her in his arms. She wants to pull away, but she's too weak to do so and the smell of him brings her comfort. So instead of pulling away like she wanted to do, she finds herself leaning in. Christian wastes no time in capturing her lips in a kiss. He pours everything into that kiss and Lissa does the same. Christian could taste salty tears mingling in their kiss but it doesn't matter. He wraps his arms around her pulling her closer. He has no intention of letting her go. It has been a crazy day as it is and he wasn't about to take any chances.

"Come on Liss, let's get you to the feeders." She nods as he lifts her into his arms.

"Christian?" Lissa ask her voice wary, scared.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry…I love you…this day didn't go as I planned…I didn't mean to cut myself…it just happened…and I wasn't strong enough to stop it…can you forgive me?" He just smiles down at her and kisses her again.

"Stop, there's nothing to forgive. I know you didn't mean to Liss, and I'm sorry too. I shut you down when you needed me the most only because I didn't understand why you kept pushing everyone away and I guess I thought you went to your office so you could get your hands on a razor. I didn't take the time to see how much today would affect you." Lissa sighs. How was he

supposed to know. She didn't tell him but only because she thought she could handle it.

"Hey, stop, I don't want you feeling guilty. We both made mistakes, and hurt because of them, but let's just put them behind us now ok?" Lissa nods. God how she love him.

Sometime later Lissa is sitting beside a young girl with strawberry blond hair about to get her fix. The girl is new and seems nervous. Lissa smiles at her.

"Hi, you're new here, right?" She asks trying to get the girl to relax. The girl simply nods.

"I'm Lissa, what's your name?"

The girl gasps seeming startled. "You're the queen?" Lissa nods.

"But you're so young! I'm Alex." She finally says. Lissa just smiles flashing fangs. The girl

flinches and Lissa instantly feels bad.

"Sorry, but this is who I am, and it's not going to hurt, I can promise you that." She says soothingly. The girl relaxes and Lissa leans in gently piercing her neck beginning to drink. Alex gasps at the short moment of pain but then she sighs as the endorphins kick in. Lissa only takes a little then she pulls away feeling better. Christian smiles at her from where he stood at the door. Alex's eyes are unfocused. Lissa uses her fingertips to wipe a trickle of blood off the girl's neck. Her power suddenly springs to life and she heals the wound without noticing. Christian is suddenly moving.

"Liss." He hisses.

"You know better than to do that." She stares confused then realization dawns.

"Shit…sorry," She says startled. Christian only rolls his eyes and pulls her to her feet. She looks so much better now, her eyes are still red and puffy, but color has returned to her cheeks. He leads her home, tells her to get changed then drags her over to Rose and Dimitri's. He knows they've got a surprise, but he doesn't know what it is.

"Hey there love birds." Rose says excitedly practically dragging them inside. She leads them to the dining room to a table packed with all of Lissa and her family's favorite foods.

"Liss, I thought this might help, I mean I know it's not going to make anything better or bring them back, but well I was hoping it would brighten your mood a bit." Lissa smiles, a genuine full out smile. She pulls Rose into a hug.

"Thank you." Rose smiles back and they sat down to dinner. They spend hours recalling vacations they had with the family. Many tears were shed, but they were nostalgic ones. Lissa knows she can't bring her family back, but she knows they are proud of the woman she's become, and she knows she has another makeshift family whom she could go to at any time. So, her real family might be dead, but she could go on because there are other people who would always be there to catch her when she falls, lord knows today was proof enough of that.

A/N

Sooo? what do you all think? Leave me some reviews, they make me happy and would encourage me to write more like these!

XX

Roza


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